Day 4: This Could be the End

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January 11, 2013 by Rex

08:02 AM☃ HOLY CRAP we got snow last night!!! Lots. I took a picture but I’m going to wait until it gets lighter out to take another to show it better. We have some BIG drifts outside, in the pig area especially. We must have gotten a few more inches last night. By the barns it’s about 6″.

206.4
What the heck? Okay. So it could be the scale being all whacked out. It’s mostly likely the increase in water intake.

But that number SUCKS!!! And I gotta tell ya, it was TOUGH falling asleep last night. One of the last things I did was get on the scale last night. I like seeing how much I weigh going to bed and then again when I wake up in the morning. It always amazes me how much I lose just sleeping. I’m kinda surprised I haven’t heard of some crazy diet scheme that involves sleeping for 20 hours a day in order to lose weight.

So, I was at 212 when I went to bed. No HUGE deal since I had been drinking a TON of water that night to try and get the headaches to go away. (Suggested by gogreenstaylean) It helped a little but I still took ibuprofen about a half-hour into trying to fall asleep.

But the number weighed on my brain as well as my body. What’s going on? Why do I feel so listless? Am I killing myself? Or really, am I putting myself through this for no reason? There were lots and lots of thoughts running through my head.

But in the morning I’ll feel better. I just need a good night’s rest.

So I woke up this morning with my good old buddy, the headache, wrapped around my brain. But with some new added friends. Mental fogginess, some light headed-ness and just kinda feeling funky all through my arms and legs.

I mean, even now trying to get this down on “paper,” it’s very hard for me to concentrate and force my fingers to type the letters to make the words. And certainly it can’t type them fast enough for everything that’s going through my brain.

My hands are slightly shaking and I guess it feels like a mild panic attack.

Some of it is the research I was doing yesterday on the net. I found a good article about the myth of women working out and bulking up. I have to admit that I usually find better articles regarding women and working out then men’s articles. The men’s articles are just a little too macho for me. The women’s articles usually actually talk about pertinent things. The men’s articles are more about who can chew more glass in the mouth before crying “uncle”.

Here’s the link: Skinny fat

She was talking about women lifting weights and not bulking up because of it. But what she also showed was skinny-fat and athletic-skinny, or in shape. She showed how weight lifting helps form muscles on the body that were there but needed definition.

So it got me to thinking as well. Am I more skinny fat than fat? People call me skinny or slender all the time. And I wouldn’t get it. I would look at my flabby body in the mirror and go: “HOw can this be skinny???”

But they weren’t seeing me like that. They saw me with my clothes on. And in clothes, they way they are cut and hang on me, I do…I look, well, somewhat skinny.

But when the clothes come off, that’s the skinny fat showing up. But it’s from a lack of working out. I wanted to lose 10-20 lbs on the juicing. But the question is, am I going about this the wrong way?

I thought, okay, I’ll lose the 10-20 lbs and then start working out and I’ll be able to build-UP from the loss. But, am I actually working the wrong way around? Should I be working out and re-build what’s already here?

Oh, wow. Really fantastic news just now. Deb said she had been doing some reading yesterday and found that I might feel a lot of pain in old injuries because my digestive system isn’t having to work as hard as usual allowing the body to open old wounds and heal them properly. That, in fact, this is a good sign of all this pain in my Piriforumis and iliotibial band. It means that the body is going in and healing them properly.

That in itself gives me hope. I don’t mind pain as long as I know it’s healing me. That’s why when people tell me about massage and this is going to hurt really bad I say: DO IT! Because I know on the other side of this pain is strength and health.

So I just need to fight and fight hard to get through yet another day. I need to probably rest even more today; away from things and everyone.

We have to go out to get some things today. Not looking forward to it since it snowed some more last night, but I feel I really need to do it to keep my mind preoccupied and get me through the morning. Then in the afternoon I can try resting in the bedroom either napping or listening to podcasts.

I feel stressed out right now during this. It’s weird. I thought I would feel more relaxed.

But Deb is pushing me through. And I think she is losing inches as I’m staring at her. She’s looking good. And she feels good. This is obviously agreeing with her.

She also doesn’t have the injuries I have. Probably brought on by all the years of playing football and baseball in my youth and early adulthood. I was the king of dings and bruises in college.

I will continue on.

20130111-085359.jpg

Me Pushing it out. Maybe some crunches?

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Me Normal.

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