When the Heck Did I Get So Old!? (Or God, I’m such a chick)

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January 29, 2013 by Rex

(Do be forewarned. I use some French in this post.)

In looking at those two photos I posted of myself recently I realized something. (I have them back to back on my iPad's photos and so I can quickly swipe them back and forth.) I look HORRIBLE now!! In the six years between the two photos I look like I've aged 20 years!!

March 2006

January 2013

When the HELL did that happen???

And I think about the last few years. Last January, I had surgery on my umbilical hernia. Currently, I am fighting off a Pelvic Tilt, Iliobital Band Syndrome and Pariformus Syndrome ( put the word sever in front of each of those, per my doctor.) He is even willing to go so far as to sign the little handicap paper from the DMV for me to get a placard!! I pulled my bicep last summer. And don't even get me started on running. If I even THINK about doing that I pull a hamstring.

Seriously… when the HELL did this all happen? Was it one day? Because that's what it seems like. Now in all fairness, that photo of me recently was one taken JUST after I had put on 10 pounds in 2 weeks over the holidays. It was right before juicing and right before I actually LOST that 10 pounds. But let me assure you, it hasn't changed all that much the 10 pounds only shows on the scale.Also, the lighting is WAY bad in the recent photo. It really is one of those photos the National Enquire would use as a “What this person really looks like! EXPOSED!”

The face though looks as though it was put through the wringer. I mean have I not slept in a month??? And WHERE in hell did all the hair go. Oh, I know, on back and in my ears and poking out my nose! I mean if I saw me on the street looking like that I would feel SO sorry for the guy. I'd think: “Man, that's a guy who has been to hell and back. Ridden hard and out put away wet.”

I know from about 2008-2011 we had hit on some pretty hard times. Losing two houses we lived in and one we were landlords of. Finding this little homestead out a little-ways from the city. Having HUGE fights and arguments in the previous two neighborhoods we lived in. (The city of Boise was actually kicking us out!!! But that's a story for another post, and another day that I have the stamina to re-live.) We had lost almost all of our millions we had before. And had to borrow from family to even be able to get into this place and fix it up.

And fix it up we did! This place was a MESS when we found it. Imagine a country house abandoned for two-and-a-half years. Mice remnants in every wall. Two frozen, and broken, pipes incidents. Never mowed, never watered yards, one acres worth. Oh some kids found it and thought it would be fun to shoot BBs into some of the windows. The list goes on and on. (Again, for another post another day.)

So it was a pretty stressful time for us. Getting into the place and making all the major renovations before the mortgage company foreclosed on us at the place we were living in and the City forcing us out for having goats. So Deb and I worked our REARS off for 3 months straight to get 'er done! All within a tight budget and having to avert creditors the whole while doing it too.

Yeah, there was a little stress. And there still is. But NO WHERE near what was going back then. Things are VERY slowly getting better. We are getting better and better at this each and every year. (There's a lot learn to being better and better frugal while being on a farm and trying to get it really turned around and producing. If for only OUR needs.)

Sure, I've ALWAYS been cheap. But being cheap and being Frugal cause you HAVE to, are two different things.

So there was, and is a little, stress. But, come on! REALLY!! It did this to me?

When I finally went last week to get a massage for the Pariformus muscle and Iliobital band, she was working on them and absolutely AMAZED at how tight the were. It felt like when her hands hit the main part of the Pariformus that she was going over a tennis ball. It was so hard it felt to me like she was pushing on a bone. Her hands would slip off it and she'd have to go back to it and try again.

I looked at myself in the mirror before I went to see her and I could SEE the Pelvic Tilt. My upper body essentially sits on my butt after the spine curves in an “s” shape. While she was working on me should could see that one knee was about two inches higher than the other. (That was the exact number my doctor said it was back when he gave me all of this great news last August.)

So basically, I have to do rehab work to myself to get all this crap in the muscles and body structure back to where it should be.

Now, that's fine if I'd been in some horrible car accident, if I had done something stupid like ski jumping and crashed, or if I were 90 year's old and it “just happens.”

But NONE of that has happened to me. No… one day I was young feeling, running around downtown at the clubs with my wife chasing young people and having a great time, and the next thing I know, my body has decided to revolt against me and I've become this INCREDIBLY old man!

But here's the worst part of it all I feel like a chick wanting to find that fountain of youth and stave off old age as long as possible. (Okay, not the worst part. Probably the worst part is I've got this homestead that needs me to work it hard every single day and lift heavy things and bend over and grab and lift and all that sort of stuff.) But that first one is right up there.

I mean, I'm a guy. Shouldn't I be happy I'm aging. Or at least not really notice it and have it effect me? And maybe it would be fine if I felt the way I do and looked the way I do if I were 65. BUT I'M NOT!!! I got a LONG-ways to go for that. I don't want to be like my old man who was OLD at my age! And I don't just mean that from the standpoint of I was 10 and at that age anyone over 30 is old. I mean he was OLD!!!! Just stodgy. His life was over by then, he was just waiting for his time. He just seemed to just “BE THERE” for the rest of his years.

I know this is the WORST time of year for me and I should take this all with a grain of salt. It's cold outside, there's snow on the ground. I can't go out and really DO anything. Heck, even the tractor is frozen. I can't even see our veggie beds.

But I look at myself and just see this old person staring back at me and I just don't remember it happening. And here's the chick part. I go onto Pinterest and look up fitness photos and quotes and they are ALL from and for chicks!!!

Here's one I REALLY like:

 

It is a GREAT sentiment. But you can't find a guy's abs with that phrase on it. And the exercises I'm looking at for stretching and hard workouts are almost ALL things a chick would worry about. Things like: “Do these six exercises for a great butt.” Now, maybe it's just that it shows a good looking girl with a nice butt. (I do like a nice butt.) But even all the ab workouts are for women, or at least show woman doing it.

Now, yes, I could could go to Men's Health Magazine and learn about men's abs workout. (That is on the cover of EVERY single issue. That, and “How to Please a Woman in Bed.”) But that is SUCH a lame magazine. No, you know what I have always reached for when I see it? “Self” magazine!!!

But pick a Men's Health or ANY of the Men's magazines. None of them will have headlines like “Look Years Younger in Days” or “How to Get Back That Youthful Look”. How about “How to Look and Act Younger”? Nope. Not there. But these are things that inundate the women's magazines every month.

Men's Health will teach you “How to Get Ripped in 10 days”. But not “How to Lose those Bags Under Your Eyes.”

Those Men's magazines won't even directly talk about things that actually DO effect guys. Like losing your hair. Where's the “10 Best Ways to Keep the Hair You Have, NATURALLY!”? Now recital dysfunction, THAT'S a different story. Apparently that hits every male at ever age, if you are to believe all the advertising you have to endure just to get through a football game on TV. And we should just discuss that ad nauseum.

But we men just don't really discuss our issues. I mean you see guys sneaking around the drug stores hiding the Rogan they want to buy. And stuff that guys do is always perceived as creapy and yucky. I mean look at the guys on “Hair Club for Men” think about ALL the guys you know that wear toupees or do the comb-overs. And now we've got guys walking around with Mr. Clean bald heads. Come on… there are only some guys who can pull that off. (And most of them are black.) On most white guys, it looks STUPID. And then they try to compensate with growning a mustache and goatee. “SEE I can grow hair if I want to, I just CHOOSE not too on my head.” “I'm in FULL control of the situation.” Yeah right!

It just doesn't seem fair. Women can go a get a breast job and look FANTASTIC over-night. Men. Even if you COULD get a penis extension, unless you go around in a Speedo all the time, no one's gonna notice. And a breast job would just look stupid on a guy.

Where's the article for the guy: “10 Things You Can Do When You Look Like Shit.” The best a guy can do is get some REALLY expensive clothes to hide the fact that he's NASTY underneath.

 

There was another quote I REALLY liked.

But again. Not one for guys. Because, let's face it. For the most part guys are NASTY. Ladies I have always said and will say: “Bless you for still wanting to have sex with us even after we get naked.” A woman's body is such a beautiful work of art. And for the most part guy's body is, well, nasty.

And how many of the guys who REALLY look naked did it by working out and not taking some sort of steroids???

So I am REALLY going to TRY to get some of these things in better shape and under control in the next few months of REALLY rotten weather we are going to have. I mean what the heck else can I do when it's all crappy outside.

There's only so much porn a person can watch 🙂

 

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