January 18, 2016 by Rex
Okay… I don’t hate the world. I’m just irritated with it right now. The Seahawks lost in the playoffs. They were down 31-0!!!! At HALFTIME!!! And came back to within a touchdown and probably would have gotten it, but ran out of time.
But the damn world keep spinning and going on and it pisses me off. There are no flags at half-mast. No moments of mourning and thinking about the victims. Okay there IS a day off today, but that’s only because Martin Luther King day happens to fall on today. There are no group therapy sessions; no candles of mourning lite at the site of the incident; no words from the President of what a tragic moment this is for our country.
NFL is going to continue on. Teams are going to continue to play and this is going to be a blip on peoples calendars and memories. If I were to talk to people in the streets many wouldn’t even know about this horrific event.
No cards in the mail “We’re sorry for your loss.” No pay outs for pain and suffering.
Empty blackness and only my thoughts…
The Demons that stir
I was anxious the night before too. I was thinking about the Arizona and Green Bay game and how I kept an eye on it. How anxious I was and how Green Bay scores on a Hail Mary pass again… this time to send it into overtime. I thought about how the NFL manipulates. It’s owner Titans (scumbags) of industry. How winning is the only thing that matters. Well, that and money. Really Money is the only thing that matters. And how that has been true throughout our entire civilizations of man.
I thought about how me growing fresh vegetables in the ground with no sprays of ANY type. Using natural minerals and fertilizers to enrich the soil. And wanting to live a healthy life and to feed people healthy whole foods. I can’t make a dime at this. But these manipulators. Scumbags, liars, bullies… how these guys lie, cheat and steal and they are on top. And it REALLY got to me that night and was one of the reasons that it was so hard for me to fall asleep.
What kind of jacked up species are we as humans that we pay a higher price on FOOTBALL than we do on eating healthy and fresh and whole. Something we do EVERY SINGLE DAY, eat. And yet something we watch on TV is worth MORE to us than what we put into our bodies.
And yet… if I’m not a Seahawks fan, if there isn’t a game to watch, or off season news to learn about… what am I???? A lazy, doesn’t do well in typing the English language on his computer, over-weight, balding, aging, sore and stiff man that lives in an unfished house with no money and can’t do anything because all it does is rain and is gloomy all day. With two banged-up looking cars. Can’t sell our milk nor veggies nor pigs…
And yet some more… when I think about going out and really kicking ass in industry, I think, what the hell is it all for? SHOULDN’T life be about taking it easy watching and playing with your kids. Realizing with your wife and eating fresh and nutrient filled foods? Why strive for the brass ring all the time and then get it and look around and realize no one cares if you have it or not. In fact, there’ a better chance they are more jealous and venomous towards you because you DID achieve it and they didn’t.
And then there’s: If you try to get into the game Big industry has worked it out so much to their favor that it’s REALLY hard to make a go at. Yet, if you try to go under the radar, they have put the government in place to squelch you and if you complain you are either a “cry-baby” or nothing happens because no one is willing to fight for a cause and it’s next to impossible to beat Goliath at his own game.
And yet… I don’t feel the over-whelming feeling of depression that I used to when thinking about this stuff. I feel a little bit of clarity in this murk. More so than I EVER have. Yes, little things are irritating me. But I recognize it IMMEDIATELY and I laugh at myself about it.
This time will pass and THIS time I plan on working on an ignore to feel better approach. I have come too far these last 21 days. I have broken too many barriers and set to many good things in motion to fall into an sort of abyss. My wife had to tell me the Broncos beat the Steelers. And had ignored looking at the scores and it felt good. She tells me that she may have to watch the games next week just to get “a fix”. I have no desire to watch I will try to know. It doesn’t matter. It won’t affect my life in any shape or form. That is, unless I allow it to mentally affect me.
I realize we have been conditioned to always look for that “fix”. That gentle buzz of feeling good… we see in ads while we watch the games. (Who the heck do you know that has the money to buy someone a CAR for Christmas? Yet, that’s what half the commercials were in December during games.) Why do I think about going downtown and spending the money to drink and eat down there? It’s that fix. Being out and seeing other people. Seeing the “Beautiful” people out smiling and laughing with their “Beautiful” friends. Not a care in the world. Willing to just have fun and joy in their lives.
Why would I WANT to sit here on the farm and look out as either the frozen ground to the marshes when it melts for a couple of days. Go to the mall where they have magically cleaned ALL the paths go get into the place and have covered over ANY dirt with a hard surface that just washes away to yuck and you don’t need muck boots to get around.
Inside it’s dry, a climatically perfectly held environment with beautiful people, people items for sale and beautiful models displaying them in all their beautiful promotions. There’s music playing in the background and the hum of people talking throughout.
And yet… at Christmas… when our 3-year-old sees a HUGE empty box, he wants to play in that thing all day long… ahhhhh life before the taint of being told we need things in order to have a happy life.